Jokes

Go wild here with what ever takes your fancy ...
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Dutchy
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Location: Perth Western Australia

Post by Dutchy » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:50 am

Subyroo wrote:A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.
They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.

As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet
A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced;"I'll bet her butt is this wide!"
The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.
The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.

Just then, her pager began to emit a beep, beep, beep.
The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!
My Dad has done that to a lady in the shops... she bent over then he made a loud beeping sound... so funny u had to be there...

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El_Freddo
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Post by El_Freddo » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:51 am

That's a cracker! Love it... now to find some mates to email to and then find the energy require for that effort...

One thing i'd like to note:
ToyRX wrote:5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something legal such as watering the garden.
In some places (like most of victoria) it is "illegal" to use your garden hose to water the garden... Unless you do it on the right night between set times you're pretty much screwed - the 'water police' will get you (and yes, we have them in the coliban catchment system)...

Bennie
"The lounge room is not a workshop..."
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El Freddo's Pics - El_Freddo's youtube

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Dutchy
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Post by Dutchy » Fri Mar 07, 2008 1:41 pm

What do u get when u cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that brings a tear to ur eye...

Another

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Dutchy
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Post by Dutchy » Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:49 pm

A professor is sent to the darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. he spends years with them, teaching them reading, wrighting, maths & science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. the tribe is shocked, & the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figur out what happened!"
The professor replies "No chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurance, what we in the civilized world call albino! look at the field over there. All the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occation."
The chief is silent for a moment, then says "Tell You wat . You dont say anything about the sheep & I won't say anything about the white child."
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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steptoe
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don't like your job ?

Post by steptoe » Tue May 13, 2008 11:54 pm

Love your job

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!
This is even funnier when you realize it's real!

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to a radio station in Ft.Wayne,Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst
job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma
with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with
a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water
is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial 'water heater'; This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a hose,
which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods
my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out
from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass. I informed the dive
supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers,
were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five
minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears
of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my ass was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job".

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Subafury
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Post by Subafury » Wed May 14, 2008 11:31 am

I READ THIS ONE IN LAST WEEKS ZOO.

A mother pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times whilst caught up in a bank robbing incident. miraculously she and the babies are fine although the doctors wont operate to remove the bullets due to the obvious risk. Two girls and a boy are successfully born without a problem until they turned 16.

One week one of the girls suddenly runs in the room in tears- "mum, mum i was urinating and this bullet came out!" the mother calms her down and tells her the story of what happened when she was pregnant.

the next week the other daughter comes in crying. 'oh no mum i was on the toilet and this bullet came out of me!" Again the mother reassures her that everything is ok and tells her the story.

another week later the son runs into the room in tears. "mum! mum!"
the mother says - "its ok you were on the toilet urinating and a bullet came out, its alright- i was was shot when i was pregnant with you." to which the boy replied...

"No mum, i was wanking and i shot the dog!"
Image

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Clearwater99
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Location: caboolture

Post by Clearwater99 » Thu May 15, 2008 7:07 am

What did the fish say when it hit the wall ?

Damn
Speiling mistakes .. me never !

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Veales
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Post by Veales » Fri Jun 20, 2008 8:40 pm

Federal Court Ruling from the Western Australian District Court

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Fremantle Dockers team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

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chubby37
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Eighteen Double Vodkas

Post by chubby37 » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:13 am

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
ImageImage

life is like a game of cricket...at some time you will get hit in the nuts

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subybrumby
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Post by subybrumby » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:06 pm

Smartarse road workers

[ATTACH]1053[/ATTACH]

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Bumpty
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Post by Bumpty » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:11 pm

HAHAHAHA^ Your pic Subybrumby?

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subybrumby
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Post by subybrumby » Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:13 pm

No, found it and thought that'd be right. at least they're honest

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chubby37
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Nerd Test

Post by chubby37 » Tue Jun 24, 2008 8:04 pm

Nerd Test

1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your preferred sex. Do you:
A. Openly Ogle.
B. Act Non-Chalant.
C. Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi, colour!"
D. Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned executive relief.

2. You're at a party. Someone comes over and asks you your star sign. You:
A. Tell them to bugger off.
B. Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to bugger off.
C. I don't go to parties.
D. I don't get invited to parties.

3. You're at the head of a large queue in front of a cash-register in a large department store. The register gives a >beep< and stops dead. You:
A. Wait patiently.
B. Plant all the stuff you were going to buy in a nearby baby carriage and call the store detective (to while away the time).
C. Break out your ever-present C64 notebook and try to debug the thing.
D. I don't know.

4. You're shopping for some personal hygiene equipment when the chemist runs up saying the prescription database on his 386 is corrupt. You:
A. What's a prescription database?
B. What's a 386?
C. What's personal hygenie?
D. What was the question again?

5. A friend wants to borrow a record off you. You
A. Lend it out, and tell them it's a boomerang.
B. Tell them to go buy it.
C. Consult the database to see that status of the record concerned
D. Sell it to them for a beer.

6. You'd most like to meet:
A. The person who wrote "Gulag Acapeligo"
B. The person who wrote "War and Peace"
C. The person who wrote MSDOS
D. A person who can write

7. You win a "Grocery-Grab" at a local supermarket. You've got one minute to pack a cart with as much stuff as you can. You start:
A. In the Liquor Section
B. In the Confectionary Lane
C. At the Pencil Bar
D. At the cash register

8. You've been hit by a car and your life flashes before your eyes. The thing you remember most vividly is:
A. Your Mother's voice as a child
B. Your first Love
C. The Ascii table.
D. The tire pressure was maybe a little too high

9. You get to compete on blind date. You have one statement to change the choosers mind about you. You say:
A. I've got a 12 inch tounge
B. I can go all night
C. I'VE GOT A 386SX with 64K Ram Cache
D. I've killed 5 people

10. You feel naked without your:
A. Electric Guitar
B. Wallet
C. VT100 reference guide
D. Axe

11. You see someone standing on a ledge, about to jump. You can save them if you say the right thing. You say:
A. I know things are bad, but do you want to talk about it?
B. I feel you just need someone to talk to
C. Want to come and play on my C64?
D. I bet you haven't got the guts.... . . . Oh, I see you did...

12. You told your best friend the first time you:
A. Had Sex
B. Had Oral Sex
C. Got a Ram expansion
D. Killed a cat.

13. No-one understands you like:
A. Your Mother
B. Your Father
C. Your PC
D. Your Parole Officer

14. For your 18th birthday you wanted:
A. A Car
B. A Shaver
C. A C64 Cassette Drive
D. Some Piano Wire, and the Neigbours Cat

Scoring:

Mostly A's: You're normal. Boring Boring Boring. You're the sort of person who'll justy fritter their way thru life enjoying themselves and having a good time. Shame on you!

Mostly B's: You're mostly normal. Nothing a little ECT can't clear away in any case. You mostly come into the "Mostly A's" above.

Mostly C's: Geek Alert! Break out the pocket protector! With a set of horn rims and a pocket calculator, you're ready for Revenge Part #72. You can be the person that gets beat up all the time.

Mostly D's: So you're a socipath; But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just keep taking the Lithium and everything'll be fine.
ImageImage

life is like a game of cricket...at some time you will get hit in the nuts

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eden
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It's Different When You're Married

Post by eden » Tue Jun 24, 2008 9:59 pm

Three women, one engaged, one married, and one a
mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze
their men.... that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style,
stilettos heels, and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet
again..
The engaged girlfriend said: 'the other night,
when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4'
stilettos and mask. He said, 'you are the woman of my life, I love
you...then we made love all night long.'
The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met
in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, and
mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't
say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'
The married one then said: 'The other night I
sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready,
leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband
came in from work, fell in his mangy Lazy boy, grabbed the TV controller
and a beer, and said,
'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

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chubby37
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Academic Ranks Explained:

Post by chubby37 » Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:02 am

THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God

THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God

PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored

ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occassionally addressed by God

ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
Talks to animals

INSTRUCTOR
Climbs walls continually
Rides the rails
Plays Russian Roulette
Walks on thin ice
Prays a lot

GRADUATE STUDENT
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls

UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself

DEPARTMENT SECRETARY
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
She IS God.
ImageImage

life is like a game of cricket...at some time you will get hit in the nuts

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Veales
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Post by Veales » Tue Jul 01, 2008 8:47 am

A lady reported: I was shopping at the local supermarket where I

selected:
• A half-gallon of 2% milk,
• A carton of eggs,
• A quart of orange juice,
• A head of romaine lettuce,
• A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
• A 1 lb. package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk
calmly stated, "You must be single." I was a bit startled by this
proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I
was indeed single.

I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my
marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you
know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know
that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly

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FROG
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just had this emailed to me had me in tears

Post by FROG » Wed Jul 02, 2008 10:30 am

maybe a repost but:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I
loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the but ton.
Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy,
thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I
must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going
to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring
about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really
and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,
'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but
I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, 'don't do it dipsh!t,' reasoning that a one second burst
from such a tiny little ol' thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided
to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the
prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF
GOD . . .
WEAPONS
OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and over
again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears
in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to
be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,
and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to
a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to
avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
considered conservative?

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense
of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'
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dibs
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Location: sunshine coast QLD

Post by dibs » Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:16 am

Stud Rooster............






STUD ROOSTER
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me.
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
and I am taking over.'
The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squalking
and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
'Dammit.....
third gay rooster I bought this month.'

Moral of this

story? ..

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -
age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery

always overcome youth and arrogance!

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dibs
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Location: sunshine coast QLD

Post by dibs » Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:20 am

Common Tools Explained Not A Joke But Sorta Funny
To the unitiated, the workshop can be an intimidating place, full of tools you may not know what to do with. To help, here's a helpful explanation of common tools and their uses.



DRILL PRESS:

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned cleco calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t!'

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:

Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW:

A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:

Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:

Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES:

Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding< /SPAN> heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:

Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

TABLE SAW:

A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bum per.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:

Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:

A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW:

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:

A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:

A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS:

See hacksaw.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:

A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR:

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:

A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE:

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMMIT TOOL:

Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMMIT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

dibs

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Outback bloke
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Post by Outback bloke » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:44 am

[font=&quot]MESSAGE TO THE AUSTRALIAN PUBLIC[/font][font=&quot]The federal government is sending each and every one of us a $600 rebate. [/font][font=&quot]

If we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to China .


If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs, if we purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan,


If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala,


If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan,
[/font][font=&quot]
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Korea and none of it will help the Australian economy. [/font]
[font=&quot]If we[/font][font=&quot] put it into Telstra, it will go towards wages in India .[/font][font=&quot]
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes gambling[/font]
[font=&quot]and beer, since these are the only products still produced in Australia . [/font][font=&quot]


Thank you for your help.


Kevin Rudd & Wayne Swan .
(Australian Prime Minister & Australian Treasurer)
[/font]

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